


fear / nosung

by spottybob



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst, Anxiety, Confident Lee Jeno, Depression, Eating Disorders, Emotional Manipulation, Hurt/Comfort, Im so sorry Jisung, Lee Jeno is Whipped, M/M, Mark Lee & Park Jisung (NCT) Are Siblings, Multi, Self-Harm, Shy Park Jisung (NCT), Soft Park Jisung (NCT)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-16
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2019-11-20 13:31:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18126866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spottybob/pseuds/spottybob
Summary: in which the introduction of a new friend to jisung seems innocent enough until he quickly gets caught up in a relationship he never wanted that caused him more harm than it ever did good.





	1. 001

Park Jisung took his usual seat in the lunchroom, eyes holding hints of sleep and head drooping every once in a while. This behaviour wasn’t anything new to anyone, but still concerning nonetheless. He was sure that Donghyuck or his older brother, Mark would show up soon, most likely shaking him awake and bringing the usual spark of brightness and noisiness to the large cafeteria. 

 

“Jisung- _ ah _ !” Jaemin’s voice rang out through the cafeteria, the corners of Jisung’s lips upturning slightly as he heard the words. Jaemin quickly slid into the seat next to him, slinging an arm around the younger’s slim shoulders. Jisung sat up, leaning on the older teenager’s shoulder slightly, resting his head against him. 

 

“Are you sick or something?” Jaemin joked, patting his head slightly, a bit surprised at the way he embraced the skinship. Jisung nodded a little, drawing a concerned frown out of Jaemin. 

 

Before he could say anything, Jeno, Mark, and Donghyuck decided to show up, interrupting the two's little moment. The group of them looked as though they had a couple of bags in their hands, and Jisung momentarily forgot why until Donghyuck very loudly announced, “Hello and welcome to Renjun’s birthday palooza.”

 

“Yeah, but  _ where  _ exactly is Renjun?” Jaemin asked, an arm still wrapped around Jisung. Donghyuck shrugged as he took a seat, stealing a fry from Jisung’s abandoned lunch tray in the process. 

 

“Probably showing around a new student or something. Y’know,  _ student council president  _ and all,” he said, the over-bearing title overexaggerated in a mocking tone as soon as it left Donghyuck’s lips. Mark took a seat next to him, picking up another fry and shoving it in Donghyuck’s mouth as soon as he opened his mouth to speak again. Mark took the chance to speak, continuing to shovel food into Donghyuck’s mouth. 

 

“Is there something wrong with Jisung?” Mark asked, Jaemin responding for him. 

 

“A little sick, I think,” Jaemin cooed, rubbing his shoulder lightly as Jeno set the white cake box down on the table carefully. Chenle quickly joined them, Donghyuck pushed Mark away from him long enough to speak, albeit a bit breathless.

 

“Here comes Renjun!” Donghyuck exclaimed, pointing at the boy as he escorted another student along with him, who was trailing after him as though he was a lost puppy of some sorts. Jisung didn’t spare him a glance, eyes shut lightly as he tried to ignore the throbbing headache he had. 

 

“Happy birthday, Jun!” Chenle exclaimed  _ loudly,  _ only contributing to how much his head hurt. Jisung could feel his irritation slowly rising, mostly in a bad mood because of his throbbing head rather than his actual friends. They would understand, they were kind, they knew him. 

 

“Hey guys, meet Minwoo! He’s new,” Renjun introduced, patting the boy’s shoulder. He looked intimidating for a moment before a bright smile fell on his face. Jaemin and Chenle looked at least somewhat glad to see him, while Donghyuck and Jeno didn’t spare him a look, Donghyuck  _ especially.  _

 

“Nice to meet you!” Chenle exclaimed, once again making Jisung’s head throb. He usually loved the sound of Chenle’s voice, but at the moment, it grated his ears and made pain stab at his forehead. Maybe he was developing a migraine or something, but he was too tired to bother getting anyone’s attention from anyone to get medicine. 

 

Donghyuck, in the meanwhile, tugged Renjun down into his seat, flipping the lid off of the white box and unboxing the cake, Jeno making quick work to poke at least nine candles into the cake. Renjun looked embarrassed, but grateful nonetheless.

 

“You guys really didn’t need to-”

 

“Shut up, Jun, you know we do every year,” Donghyuck said, handing him a plastic knife and a birthday hat. He didn’t spare Minwoo a glance until he sat down at the table, taking a seat right next to Jisung. He gained a raised eyebrow from Mark at that, but he didn’t bother saying anything. It wasn’t like they had a reason to refuse him, and if Renjun was fine with Minwoo, the boy would eventually grow on them. 

 

The majority of lunch was filled with loud laughing and loud talking and loud yelling and loud, loud,  _ loud,  _ and Jisung hated it. Jaemin had long since unslung his arm from around his shoulders and had joined in on how loud the others were, celebrating Renjun’s birthday and getting acquainted with Minwoo. 

 

By halfway through lunch, he had already gotten Mark’s attention with his- somewhat- good beatboxing, the Canadian trying to rap over it before being interupted by Donghyuck, who had requested to hear  _ in-detail  _ exactly how handsome BTS were in real life. Chenle and Renjun were practically buzzing in excitement as they threw around insults in Chinese with Minwoo (They found out that he was half-Chinese) and even Jeno took an interest in where he had gotten his shoes, which were, admittedly, quite nice. 

 

He seemed to have won everyone over with his charms, save for himself. Maybe in different circumstances, Jisung and Minwoo would have gotten to know each other properly, but right now he couldn’t help but feel a little bit more angry with each word that left the loud,  _ loud  _ boy’s mouth right by his ear until-

 

“Can you keep it  _ down _ ?” Jisung asked, voice quiet and straining but still able to give the same bitter tone as well. Minwoo paused for a moment, his previous smile melting away and a confused expression replacing his face as if he hadn’t even noticed Jisung had been there. 

 

“Sorry if I’m irritating you.” His words insinuated quite the opposite, holding an air of arrogance in them as he turned away from Jisung, sounding as though he was gritting his teeth as he spoke. He seemed to be the type of person who didn’t like people talking back to him. 

 

The moment was short, and the others didn’t even notice it, caught up in their celebrations for Renjun and Chenle’s loud shouting. 

  
Maybe it was a little odd, but Jisung didn’t pay it any mind, his headache distracting him. He didn’t notice the…  _ lustful  _ way that Minwoo glanced at him later, either. Nor did he notice the look in his eyes that bled possessiveness. Maybe Jisung would regret drawing Minwoo’s attention to him later. Just maybe.


	2. 002

It had been about three weeks since Minwoo had been introduced to the group and the two of them had been getting along better, albeit slowly. The teenager’s personality was loud and exuberant, a harsh contrast to Jisung’s own. The small awkwardness between them would be expected. The “opposites attract,” myth wasn’t a very believable one, but Minwoo was doing his absolute best to gain Jisung’s trust for reasons he didn’t know, but he was sure they wouldn’t affect the others that much, so he didn’t mind. 

 

It was one of the reasons he didn’t say anything about the teenager’s behaviour if he was being honest. The others seemed to have gotten along with him, and he was the one at fault, anyway. He didn’t even give it a second thought after it occurred. Until now, but that was just a little side-bit from Renjun’s birthday. Nothing important, just a little salt on a relatively sweet surprise for their friend. 

 

Just a little salt. 

 

“What’s got you so stuck in your head, huh?” Minwoo’s playful voice cut through his thoughts, Jisung looking up as he took a seat next to him in the library. He had a spare that period, and he assumed that Minwoo had one, too, if he had been there. At least it was the last period before lunch started. 

 

“Nothing really, just math,” Jisung said, gesturing to the mess of papers in front of him. Minwoo winced in sympathy at the large pile of work. He took a seat at the seat in the only other one there, pushing aside a textbook. He set down his own work, but an afterthought occurred and he packed it away again, Jisung noticing. 

  
“What, gonna ditch me?” He joked, watching as Minwoo shook his head with a fond smile. It was kind of pretty, too. 

 

“You need some help with math, right? Let me help a bit, I’m good at this stuff.” Jisung narrowed his eyes slightly, mock-suspicion flooding through them. 

 

“What’s the catch?”

 

“I’ll think of that later. Now, what’ve you been studying for, hm?” 

* * *

 

 

The two’s hasty study session dragged into lunch slightly, and in the process, had helped Minwoo win over Jisung completely, as he had the other few in their small circle. By the end, the two had been jesting around as though they were old friends, and Jisung had a feeling he had misjudged Minwoo. 

 

He wasn’t that bad, he was funny, he was charming. He could see why the others became friends with him so quickly. Maybe a little one-on-one time was what both of them needed all along to become acquainted. 

 

No, not acquainted, Jisung scolded himself,  _ friends.  _

 

It felt a lot better to say that than to be uncomfortable with Minwoo for however many years into the future. 

 

Even the others had shown some amount of mild surprise when Minwoo came back to the lunch table with a smiling Jisung and a backpack full of just-finished homework, albeit hastily with sloppy handwriting. It was the thought that counted, Minwoo had told the younger. 

 

“You two are getting along well,” Donghyuck stated. By itself, innocent enough, but the look Donghyuck had on his face said the rest. Jisung elbowed Donghyuck, refusing to make eye contact with Minwoo, directly across him at the lunch table. Minwoo’s smug smile grew a bit wider as he noticed the action, Jeno snickering next to him. 

 

“Yes, we’re getting along fine. Jisungie owes me a favour now, though,” Minwoo said, sparing him a bit of the embarrassment as he picked at his lunch consisting of cold noodles that looked like they had been microwaved once that morning. 

 

“Oh, does he now?” Mark asked, peering past Donghyuck to see him furiously stabbing the salad in front of him. 

 

“Because he helped me with math, that’s  _ all, _ ” He stated firmly. He almost didn’t catch sight of the disappointed look on Minwoo’s face. It disappeared almost a second later, but it was imprinted in Jisung’s head. It spurred an onslaught of questions that could only come from an overthinker like Park Jisung, himself.

 

Was three weeks too little time to get to know someone before liking them? Was that weird for him to be thinking like that? Was it weird that he liked other guys? No, that wasn’t weird, Mark and Hyuck liked each other and they weren’t weirder than any other average high school student. Should he even be thinking like that? Would Minwoo even like him back if he did? He only starting thinking all this because he thought Minwoo liked him or was disappointed because it was just some math work, was he wrong about that? What would he do if it wasn’t?

 

By the time he had tuned back into the conversation, he had eaten half his salad automatically, and Mark had been recounting a story at the coffee shop he worked at, only catching the tail-end of the anecdote. 

 

“- And then Taeyong ran out of the coffee shop with-” 

 

He got distracted by Minwoo wiggling his fingers to get his attention, before gesturing with his head to slip away from the table for a bit. Jisung thought it was thoughtful; the others were starting to get loud, and Donghyuck had seemed to forgotten that Jisung was right next to him as he ( _loudly_ ) added in details that Mark had missed the first time he had been telling the story. 

 

Jisung looked back, where Minwoo had still been staring at him before nodding slightly. Minwoo took it as his cue to slip away from the end of the table, Jisung following discreetly. None of the others had noticed. 

 

The lunch tables outside had been far less crowded, and it gave Jisung and Minwoo a sense of privacy. Jisung had just pulled out his salad before Minwoo cleared his throat quietly, getting his attention. 

 

“You know that favour? From about… an hour ago?” Jisung nodded, cheeks getting slightly rosy at how low and quiet Minwoo’s voice was. 

 

“Well, I was wondering if you wanted to go to the arcade with me on Saturday. And before you say no,” Minwoo continued, seeing Jisung hesitate, “This is me cashing in my favour, yeah? You can’t say no, Sungie.” 

 

The nickname drew a blush out of him, and Jisung poked at the green cabbage leaves in his container with a fork as he muttered out a quiet,  _ yeah, I guess I’ll come with you.  _ And maybe he smiled a little when Minwoo’s hand crept towards his on the bench before he withdrew it, it was just a little cute. 

 

Minwoo had, of course, thought of all these things himself, as one would. Definitely, one hundred percent.

 

(Maybe Jaemin had noticed that Minwoo had been giving Jisung heart eyes the entire time the story had been being told, and while Jisung was staring off into space thinking about who-knows-what like he always did. And  _ maybe  _ he told Minwoo that Jisung’s favourite place to go was the arcade a few blocks away from Mark and Jisung’s shared apartment, and  _ maybe  _ he had given him tips on how to fluster someone- specifically Jisung- easily. 

 

In his defence, Minwoo following Jisung around like a lost puppy would be as frustrating as Mark and Donghyuck constantly denying their feelings, as they had a few years ago. Jaemin was only helping, and Jisung would thank him later, as Minwoo did now. They looked like they would make a good pair, anyway, but that was just Jaemin’s opinion. So, he didn’t really regret texting all this to Minwoo, especially seeing the smile that lit up his face.)

  
(Maybe Jaemin would regret it later .)

 

He always did end up liking people just a bit too fast, but at least this time around, Minwoo seemed to like him back, Jisung told himself cheerfully, still glowing during his fourth period and awaiting his trip- ( _date?_ )- on Saturday. 

 

Minwoo was waiting, too. Oh, he was _waiting_.


	3. 003

“Have you seen my ring anywhere?” Jisung asked, pulling on his socks haphazardly on his bed, Mark simply laying on his back on a bean bag across him, fingers practically flying as he played the PS4 game along with Donghyuck. Jisung could almost hear his shouting through the headset, feeling bad for his older brother at that moment.

 

“The completely silver one that Renjun gave you once?” Mark questioned, looking over at him for a split second before his attention was on the game once more, eyes widening a bit.

 

“Yeah, that one,” he said, getting up and pulling on a large black hoodie, falling to half-way down his thighs before he ran a hand through his hair, messing it up slightly.

 

“Saw it in the bathroom somewhere,” Mark called after him as he left the room, the younger shooting him a quick, “Thanks,” before he rushed to the bathroom, slipping the ring onto his left hand, snug on his middle finger. The other hand had similar ones on his index and ring fingers. He felt pretty cool if he said so himself, but he wouldn’t say it out loud at any point.

 

He was pretty excited about his date- hang out? - with Minwoo, which led to him putting more effort in his clothing, despite how little it was. The most he did was wear black skinny jeans rather than sweatpants, rings, and a thin chain necklace. That little would be considered as casual by Donghyuck, but it made Jisung feel pretty dressed up. Of course, he could never argue with the fashion diva, who had _insisted_ he helped Jisung prepare, which he kindly declined multiple times.

 

After pulling on his sneakers- which were, surprisingly, black as well- Jisung stood up straight, breathing in deeply and shaking out his hair again before leaving the house. He called out a quick goodbye to Mark beforehand, but he doubted the older heard, with Donghyuck shouting in one of his ears.

 

The ride down the elevator felt a lot longer than it usually did, and simply walking down the street made his stomach feel like it was being tied in knots. He had a nervous feeling in his stomach, but he didn’t think it was because he was dreading it. Maybe he was just scared of what would happen when he got there. What did people usually do on dates, anyway? Would this even be _considered_ a date? Jisung hadn’t done these types of things before, how was he supposed to know what he was supposed to do?

 

Maybe he should’ve asked one of the others for advice, but just the thought of him going up to the others and getting laughed at was enough to make him push it far, _far_ out of his mind. It wasn’t like he was going to get anywhere changing his mind, with how close he was to the arcade. Maybe he could ditch, fake-sick, something along those lines. The thought of leaving Minwoo hanging like that, however…

 

He was snapped out of his thoughts once a hand clapped his shoulder, the nervous teenager whipping his head around to look at who it was almost immediately. Jisung relaxed as soon as he saw Minwoo’s smiling face, comforting for him. He couldn’t deny that he felt a rush of heat to his cheeks once he saw the large smile that he bore. It was pretty, he almost couldn’t keep his eyes off it.

 

“Uh… Hi,” Jisung managed to get out, breaking the small silence between the two of them. Minwoo let out a small laugh, wrapping an arm around Jisung’s shoulders and squeezing slightly before he let his arm fall to his side.

 

“Heya, Jisungie,” Minwoo responded, voice holding a hint of amusement. It made Jisung’s cheeks burn again, this time in embarrassment. “We’ve got about a ten minute walk to the arcade now, right?”

 

All Jisung could do was nod, lips practically glued together as Minwoo mussed up his hair slightly.

  
“Let’s get moving,” Minwoo said, starting to stride forward. Jisung ran a little to catch up to the slightly older teenager, falling into step with him. The two didn’t talk, but it was a comfortable silence, compared to the weeks prior when they hadn’t gotten along very well.

 

Jisung almost stopped in his tracks when he felt Minwoo’s fingers lace with his. Their hands fit almost perfectly, and maybe it was cliche, but all the younger could help to think about was how that was a sign of something happening between them, or just something meant-to-be, in any way. He should know better to believe in fantasies, but he just couldn’t help it. The idea just seemed so tempting, so perfect to fall into place.

 

The more he thought, the redder his cheeks got, but a smile was bright on his face by Minwoo’s side. The hand in his was a comfort, and he didn’t want to think of when he’d be forced to let it go. It was stupid, so, so stupid, but he couldn’t help but never want to let go of it.

 

He didn’t even notice that it had been ten minutes until they had gotten to the Arcade, the two still holding hands as they entered. Thankfully, the room was fairly empty, and dark, so no one would see the two of them, anyway. The man behind the register didn’t seem to care all that much. He was old and was reading a newspaper with half-open eyes as he examined the front page.

 

The two already had quarters lining their pockets, so they simply walked past him. Jisung almost felt like a secret agent of some sorts, hiding a big secret that only a few people knew. Maybe his mind just liked to dramatize things, but it came in handy when he was getting bored too quickly.

 

“What game do you want to go to first, Sungie?” Minwoo’s voice broke him from his trance-like state, leaving him blinking in confusion.

 

“Sorry, uh, what did you say, I- I didn’t… hear?” Minwoo cooed slightly at the answer, eyes curving up as he smiled brightly, speaking.

 

“You’re so cute, baby, it hurts,” He said, leaving Jisung to try and hide under his hood, face gone completely warm and cheeks pink. His hands had come up to hide his face as well, Minwoo taking his arms carefully by the wrists before pulling them down.

 

“I’m not,” Jisung tried, voice weak and quiet as he tried not to stutter the words out. Minwoo shook his head disapprovingly, playfully tapping him on the top of the head while making a small buzzer sound.

 

“Wrong, please try again.” Jisung furrowed his brows slightly, though he fought a grin at the stupid endearing action.

  
“I’m _not,_ ” He insisted, only to gain another tap on the top of his head.

 

“Wrong again, one more chance,” Minwoo warned playfully, a glimmer in his eyes.

 

“I’m not, you’re the one who’s wron-” He was cut off by Minwoo moving forward and pressing his lips against Jisung’s forehead, which shut him right up. Jisung wasn’t even sure how he hadn’t collapsed from his legs turning to jello yet, it was a miracle.

 

When Minwoo pulled back, he couldn’t even get a word out for a solid minute, before stammering out a weak, “So, is- is this a… date…?”

 

He gained a small chuckle from Minwoo, who laced their fingers together before answering.

 

“Yes, baby. It is.”


	4. 004

“Hey! Have you got your head in the clouds again?” Jisung was knocked out of his daydream by Donghyuck's indigent shout. Apparently, for the past however long, Donghyuck had been recounting a  _ very  _ entertaining story about one of his and Mark’s (many) dates, only  _ this  _ time, he had said something funny and  _ oh, he was just such a dork, no idea how he got with him in the first place, blah blah blah… _

 

Jisung’s heard it all before, and it was getting old. The things he said had slowly turned into a long drone of meaningless words that ended up boring him more than anything. He adjusted the cap on his head, cupping his cheek in his hand with his elbow propped on the lunch table. Usually, the others would be there, but they had their fancy new student council duties to deal with. 

 

Apparently, there was a talent show of some sorts in May or June that they had to buckle down to plan. Jisung was planning to join, with a dance, of course. Maybe if he was feeling adventurous he’d make his own choreography, but he probably wouldn’t. 

 

“Jisung! Are you sick or something?” Donghyuck interrupted once more, a frustrated look on his face. Jisung mumbled out an excuse to the extent of  _ just thinking of something, nothing important.  _ A devilish look replaced the frustrated one, the older teen looking just a bit too happy to be frustrated just a moment ago. Jisung didn’t catch onto his mistake until- 

 

“Thinking of Minwoo?” Jisung sputtered slightly, taken aback. Donghyuck only laughed loudly, drawing attention to their corner of the cafeteria. He quickly shut up after getting slapped on the back by Jisung,  _ hard.  _

 

“Shut up, dummy, people are looking at us,” Jisung muttered, eyes flitting around the cafeteria. Donghyuck hmphed a little, sitting up. 

 

“They should! They’re in the presence of the literal sun,” He joked, playful arrogance shining in his eyes. Jisung groaned but was glad that he got the topic off of Minwoo. 

 

The date, by all means, was wonderful. He had the most fun he thought he’s ever had in his life and nearly melted into a little puddle by the end of it. Jisung was sure his cheeks had never been that red before, but he wasn’t protesting, not at all. If anything, he wanted to relive it again and again and again and so on. It felt like it was just yesterday, though it’d been nearly a week.

 

“Sungie!” Minwoo called, sprinting through the cafeteria. Jisung almost flinched because of how sudden it was, but as soon as Minwoo stopped at the table, looking like an over-excited puppy with bright eyes and floppy hair, he knew he didn’t mind. 

“Oh, uh- Hi,” He greeted lamely. Minwoo chuckled a little before pulling up Jisung by the hand, giving him little choice in the matter. 

 

“I’m gonna borrow Jisung for a while, hope you don’t mind! Chenle and Mark are on their way back, they’ll keep you occupied.” Donghyuck visibly brightened after he heard the words that left Minwoo’s mouth, shooing them away. 

 

“Yeah, yeah, keep him as long as you want,” He teased, returning to his lunch a moment later. Jisung could barely stutter out a word through flushed cheeks before he was whisked away into the courtyard not even five minutes later. 

 

“What- What’re we doing out here?” Jisung questioned, looking up at Minwoo from under the arm wrapped around his shoulders. His five foot three stature was practically nothing compared to Minwoo’s five foot eleven frame, and he had to stretch to look up. Minwoo shushed him, bringing him to one of the more secluded lunch tables and picking him up easily, setting him down on the side of the table. 

 

Jisung could feel his cheeks flush as soon as Minwoo gripped his waist, but the tingly feeling where his hands were placed slowly turned to an itching discomfort when they didn’t move from their spot on his waist, Minwoo stepping between his legs. 

 

“Can I kiss you, Sungie?” The breathy question fell from between Minwoo’s slightly parted lips, face so close to Jisung’s that he could feel the older teen’s breath as he asked the question. The words sparked surprise in Jisung’s mind, maybe a little bit of fear, too, but he couldn’t help but look at Minwoo’s puppy eyes and just want to give him the whole world. 

 

He knew he wasn’t ready to get intimate in a relationship, especially one that had only begun almost a week earlier. He was scared, simply put. But he didn’t want to let down Minwoo, who smelled like candy canes and roses with kind eyes and flush lips with brown-speckled eyes. Minwoo, who made him happiest he’s been in a long while. 

 

So he nodded slightly, taken aback when almost immediately after, Minwoo slammed his lips onto Jisung’s, hands travelling naturally up and down his waist. Jisung let out a muffled squeak, swallowed by Minwoo’s lips against his. He could feel the older teen’s tongue trying to force his lips open, panic growing in his chest as he pushed at him, the panic growing to fear when Minwoo only grew more aggressive before finally pulling back. 

 

Jisung was breathing heavily by the end of it, almost ready to crawl back from Minwoo when the older teen wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him closer into his chest. That familiar, sweet smell washed over him, pulling him deeper into Minwoo and his sweet smile. The knot of panic in his chest shrank but was still clearly there. Minwoo’s other hand crawled up to his hair, stroking his head. 

 

“You’re so pretty, baby. My pretty baby, my angel,” Minwoo mumbled, turning Jisung’s cheeks flush. He tried to push down the small remnants of panic in his chest. He pushed back the thought of Minwoo kissing him roughly, until he almost couldn’t breathe, and focused on inhaling that candy cane smell that would keep him grounded. 

 

_ God,  _ he should’ve gone fucking running when Minwoo wouldn’t pull back, he should’ve fucking run and never look back, how could he have not known? But he continued fooling himself, telling himself it was because Minwoo loved him. Why else would he kiss him?

 

Jisung, in his hazy state of mind, only mumbled out four little words, breathy and barely heard, but they ended up making the most important decision of his life at that moment.

 

“ _ Please don’t leave me _ .” Minwoo pulled him closer, Jisung’s arms wrapping around him automatically. 

 

“Never, baby.” 

 

_ God,  _ he should’ve gone running. 


	5. 005

It had been a couple of days since the “incident” in the garden, and Jisung had  _ still  _ felt unsettled about what had happened that afternoon. 

 

He still felt hands crawling up his sides, even as he lay in his bed at home, late in the evening. Jisung could only feel the rough lips on his, nails kneading into his waist as he got more heated and Jisung pushing back desperately, and- 

 

“Are you alright, Sungie?” Jisung opened one eye from where he lay, hands resting on his stomach lightly. Mark stood in the doorway of the dimly lit room, watching with a concerned expression on his face. Jisung felt a stab of guilt go through him once he noticed the older boy’s large eye bags and unruly hair. In his own useless fretting, he hadn’t even noticed Mark’s exhaustion. 

 

He sat up quickly, painting a smile on his face that he hoped was convincing enough to assure his worries. “Just tired, hyung,” He said lightly. Mark nodded, the concern washing off his face only to be replaced by something close to anxiousness, or worry. Jisung looked up from his hands once Mark cleared his throat, watching as the older walked over and sat on the bed next to him. 

 

“Jisung,” Mark started, sighing slightly as he took Jisung’s hands in his. A wave of nervousness flooded Jisung, a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach. “I know that you’re still a kid, but we live together and… you should get the right to know.” 

 

Mark took a deep breath, looking to ground himself. 

“Jisung, I don’t know if we’re going to have enough to pay rent this month.” The words left Jisung frozen, only tuning back into the conversation a moment later. “-been working hard for the past while, but they messed up the budget at one of my jobs and now I’ve lost the paycheck that makes up most of the rent, and-  _ God,  _ Sungie, I don’t know what to- to do,” Mark sniffed at the end, ducking his head as he started to tear up. 

 

Jisung let go of his hands, wrapping his arms around Mark, the older’s tears wetting the fabric of the shirt on his shoulder. The younger simply rocked Mark back and forth, humming quietly as tears bunched up in his own eyes as well. 

 

He  _ knew  _ that this would happen eventually, ever since he, Johnny, and Mark had run away from home. Of course, the eldest wasn’t home anymore, as he was attending college, but he was the one who took snuck them out of their house, away from their ever-abusive parents, and met with one of his close friends, Doyoung, who drove them out to his own town, almost an hour away from where they were. 

 

They had never looked up to their older brother more, the then-thirteen and ten-year-old idolizing the eighteen-year-old that had saved them all. He had single-handedly- Well, with the help of Doyoung, Jaehyun, and Taeyong- got enough money for them to afford an apartment, and made a steady amount of money to stay there as well. The three of them had settled down nicely and hadn’t heard a peep from their parents. It seemed they just saw them running away as an opportunity to start completely fresh. 

 

After a while, however, Johnny had gone off to college, Taeyong promising that he would check up on the two every month or so. He had his own store to run and had been running it faithfully for five years now, and the bakery had been a big hit around town. With Johnny in college, he hadn’t had time to send money, or it had slipped his mind. Mark, who had looked up to Johnny for the longest time, had followed his footsteps, working three jobs at once to make rent. Jisung had never had to worry too much about paying for it, left in the dark until about now. 

 

He was suddenly hit with the full knowledge of the real world, and it  _ scared  _ him. It scared him so much to see his older brother who was always smiling cry into his shoulder, and he  _ hated  _ it. 

 

“Hyung, I’ll take a job,” Jisung said suddenly, Mark already looking to protest as he wiped his tears hurriedly, opening his mouth only to be interrupted. 

 

“Please, Hyung, I’m- I’m worried, I’m  _ scared,  _ I want to help, I- I don’t want to be homeless,” He said, speaking faster as he wrapped his arms around his waist, hands shaking slightly, “I’ll- I’ll keep up with school, I promise, but please-” 

 

“Hey, hey, hey,” Mark interjected, wrapping his arms around Jisung loosely, chin propped on his hair. He pressed a light kiss to the top of his head, the younger not protesting. He needed the warm touch to ground him, and that it did. 

“You can work if you want, but I want to make sure you’re not overworking yourself, yeah?” Mark said gently, Jisung nodding with wet eyes. 

  
“We’ll… We’ll figure this out, Sungie. We have each other.” It went without saying that the issue wouldn’t leave the walls of Jisung’s room, and neither wanted it to. 

 

Jisung just wanted to go back to the times when Johnny, Mark and he would eat pizza in the living room on Friday nights, falling asleep to the faded Looney Tunes cartoons that would have them giggling until they almost couldn’t breathe. 

 

But he knew things would never be that easy again, and  _ God,  _ the thought of it wanted to make him cry until he was in Johnny’s arms again, safe from poverty, and unwanted touches, and the slowly growing insecurities that threatened to swallow him whole.

 

* * *

 

Mark had dragged Jisung out to the living room that night, the younger not complaining as he wrapped a blanket around his thin shoulders, curling into the middle of the sofa. Mark had found a couple of disks, putting in the first one to find an old copy of a Disney movie, the older tucking himself in the corner and wrapping an arm around Jisung, pulling him into his chest. 

 

The two fell asleep quickly, TV glowing in the dark with the quiet lull of a fading song playing. 

 

“.. _ I know that you belong to someone new, but tonight you belong… to me. _ ”


	6. 006

By the time that Monday had rolled around, Jisung had almost completely forgotten about the situation with Minwoo. It was little more than a passing thought and stayed at the back of his head. 

 

What really loomed over him was trying to get a job before the end of the month. Mark had almost done the same before Jisung caught him trying to apply online, and one tearful argument later, Mark had promised not to take another job. 

 

“Jisung- _ ah _ !” Jaemin called, a bright smile on his face. The younger teen turned around to get an armful of cotton candy hair and a vanilla bean aroma that had him a lot calmer than he had initially been. He didn’t realize how much the older boy relaxed him until about now. 

 

“Heya, Jaemin-Hyung,” Jisung said softly, voice rough from his night of crying. He hadn’t told Mark, but after the stress of their rent, he’d been practically crying himself to sleep every single night. The older already had enough stress on his shoulders, and Jisung refused to be another factor of it. 

.

Jaemin pulled back, eyebrows furrowed and concern clear on his face. “Something on your mind?” He asked, wrapping an arm around his shoulders as the two walked, Jaemin leading him to his first-period class, with Chenle. 

 

_ Should Jisung tell Jaemin what was going on with the rent and Minwoo? _ Jisung asked himself unsurely. He knew the elder was bubbly and kind but he also proved time and time again to be someone he could trust with the things he didn’t tell anyone. Jaemin had already been the first one who Chenle had told he was bi-curious (Later turning out to be gay) and had been the one to help Mark and Haechan through countless spats and get them resolved quickly, as well. 

 

On the other hand, he didn’t want to stress anyone. He and Mark already came to the conclusion that they wouldn’t tell anyone, and he didn’t think he could handle it if the older got mad at him for just spilling it so easily. 

And then there was the fear that he would just be laughed at, or told he was looking for attention, and just the thought made his chest tighten. Besides, the Minwoo thing wasn’t serious, not at all.  _ It was just a fluke _ , Jisung told himself. 

 

“Nothing really,” He said finally, Jaemin obviously not satisfied by the answer after Jisung saw the way a frown tugged his lips downwards. He didn’t have a chance to answer, Jisung already slipping away from his arm with a quick mutter of, “Here’s my class,” and ducking into the room, feeling inexplicably guilty. 

 

“Jisung!” Chenle called, Jisung looking up from his feet to lock eyes with him in the back of the class. Jisung’s face immediately lit up with a smile, quickly moving to take a seat in the open chair next to him. There were about five minutes before class started, and the teacher was usually late most days, so no one had really shown up, save for one or two kids that had been early almost every school day that semester. 

 

“What’s up?” Chenle asked, leaning back in his seat as he asked the question. Jisung shrugged as he set his bag down on the floor next to him. Chenle nodded in understanding- at least, he hoped so- and took out one of his earphones, offering him one as a peace offering of sorts. 

 

Jisung accepted gratefully, tucking the AirPod into his ears to be washed over with the familiar lull of slow English. It left his mind eased and gave it something to occupy itself with, closing his eyes as he leaned back into his seat. 

 

Chenle examined him carefully for a good few seconds before speaking slowly, voice low. 

 

“You know you can come to me and the others about anything that’s been bothering you, yeah?” He asked carefully, watching as Jisung tensed slightly. 

 

“Yeah, yeah it’s just… I need a job,” He said slowly, finally saying what was on his mind, “And it’s kinda got me stressed, y’know?” Chenle visibly relaxed once he told him why he’d been so off. He thought for a couple of moments before speaking up. 

 

“Jeno-Hyung works in that flower shop, right? He said they were hiring last week, you could apply for an interview!” Jisung looked up, eyes widening gratefully. 

 

“Really?” Chenle nodded, a soft smile growing on his face. 

 

“Of course. You want to listen to some SHINee?” 

 

* * *

 

When lunch had rolled around, the first thing on Jisung’s mind was to talk to Jeno. 

 

Easier said than done, as most things, were. 

 

It was nerve-wracking, to say the least. The older was intimidating, and despite their close-knit group of friends, he didn’t have as many one-on-one conversations with Jeno. It was surprising, really, considering how long they had been friends. Almost the whole school year now, but it was almost kind of sad how they hadn’t had a moment to get close. 

 

Jisung had walked up to the lunch table, and the perfect opportunity presented itself when it was just Jeno there. He looked to the older teen, the words getting all jumbled in his mouth. Eventually, Jisung just sat down next to him without a word. Jeno raised an eyebrow at his actions, leaving Jisung with an embarrassed flush on his cheeks. 

 

It wasn’t his fault that Jeno had come to school in the most intimidating clothes he had seen in a while, made up of a dark t-shirt with a darker leather jacket and ripped jeans. Paired with the resting face he had, it was harder than usual to try and talk to him. 

 

“Hey, uh, you- you work at that flower shop, right?” Jeno looked at him out of the corner of his eye, nodding a little. Jisung continued, speaking a bit faster. 

 

“‘Cause I, uh- I need a job and Chenle said you mentioned they were hiring or something?” Jisung took a subtle deep breath after that. Jeno examined him for a few moments, making him feel even more anxious before nodding. 

 

“Yeah, just drop by after school anytime,” He said quietly, Jisung almost having to strain his ears to hear the older boy. He nodded gratefully, smile raising on his face. 

 

“Thanks, hyung,” He said, looking considerably brighter than before. Jeno let a barely discernible smile slip onto his face before Donghyuck and Jaemin joined the two. Jaemin immediately took a seat on the left of Jisung, Donghyuck sitting across the three as they did usually. 

 

Before Mark or any of the others had shown up, someone wrapped their arms around Jisung from behind, eyes wide as he turned around only to relax when he saw it was just Minwoo. 

 

_ Just Minwoo.  _

 

“Heya, love,” Minwoo greeted, a smile on his face. Jisung smiled back, flushing at the nickname. At the soft tone of voice, Jisung immediately forgot why he was so worried about Minwoo. He was kind, and the candy cane aroma that Minwoo seemed to have naturally had him completely and utterly whipped

 

“Hiya,” Jisung said softly, a small smile on his face. Minwoo leaned on Jisung, propping his chin on his shoulder, breath tickling his ear. 

 

“Let’s go someplace more private, yeah?” Minwoo asked quietly, smiling into the words he spoke. Jisung smiled but shook his head slightly, not seeing the frown that painted over the other teen’s face. 

 

“C’mon, Sungie, just this once?” He pleaded, “You know I’ve been feeling down for a while, this is the one thing you could do to help.” Jisung bit his lip, guilt pooling in his stomach before he nodded, getting up from the table as Minwoo wrapped an arm around the shorter boy. A satisfied gleam appeared in Minwoo’s eyes, but Jisung didn’t take notice, just glad he could help the older boy, even if he didn’t think it would be in the way he wanted to. 

 

He didn’t take notice of Jeno’s eyes following the two, either, or the way his eyes narrowed at their whispered conversation. The only thing on his mind was  _Minwoo, Minwoo, Minwoo, need to help Minwoo._

 

Minwoo couldn't have been happier, and Jisung couldn't have been more of a fool. 


	7. 007

Jisung didn’t expect anything bad to happen when he went off with Minwoo, and why would he? He could trust the older boy. When Minwoo led them to an abandoned hallway, secluded and far-off from the rest, his skin began to prickle, but he ignored it. It was Minwoo, he wasn’t just some stranger that he couldn’t trust. 

 

Minwoo had ended up leading him into an abandoned classroom, lit dimly by small windows. The room was littered with empty desks, and the teacher’s desk had been pushed on its side. Jisung felt something in the corner of his brain screaming at him to  _ get out, get out  _ **_now._ ** He ignored that feeling, shaking his head to clear his thoughts. 

 

“Are you alright, baby?” Minwoo’s soft voice cut through his mind, clearing his thoughts almost instantly. Jisung hesitated before shaking his head, Minwoo’s eyes softening slightly. 

 

“C’mere, angel,” He cooed, sitting on the ground and patting his thighs. Jisung crawled into his lap with a blush gracing his cheeks, Minwoo’s arms wrapped around him protectively. “What’s wrong, baby?”

 

“I-I just- Me ‘nd Mark’ve been having some trouble with- with rent,” He whispered, voice breaking slightly at the end of the sentence. Minwoo’s eyes widened as he propped up his chin on the boy’s shoulder, breath tickling his ear. At the movement, Jisung’s shoulders began shaking slightly, breath wavering.

 

“Oh, Sungie…” He trailed off, watching as tears gathered in his eyes. Minwoo began to kiss his neck lightly, Jisung too distraught to say anything or push him away. Minwoo took note of this, Jisung starting to feel uncomfortable. He tried to get comfortable in his lap, making Minwoo’s eyes darken.

 

“I could help you feel better?” Minwoo whispered into his ear, a chill crawling up Jisung’s spine. He shook his head, blinking rapidly to make sure the tears in his eyes hadn’t fallen. He needed to be distracted, but… not like  _ that _ . 

 

“No, hyung, I- I don’t want anything like that,” He stuttered, pulling at Minwoo’s arms to pry them away from his waist. Minwoo loosened his grip, Jisung practically forcing his way out to sit on the floor in front of the older. Minwoo sighed at the rejection but didn’t appear to get mad, only looking slightly disappointed, which hurt more than the idea of him continuing. Jisung was almost debating to tell him he changed his mind when Minwoo’s voice interrupted him. 

 

“Then let me help. I’ll give you some money every now and then to help out.” Jisung’s eyes widened, protests immediately escaping him. 

 

“No, I can’t, that’s- that’s too  _ much _ ,” He said, desperation affecting his tone. Minwoo crept forward, holding Jisung’s face in his hands carefully, making him lock eyes with him. 

 

“Baby, I would do anything for you. I’ve known you almost a month and a half now, but I’ve just completely fallen for everything about you, your smile, your eyes, your cute cheeks, and the way you talk about everything you love to do and I’m so, so in love with you, it hurts. Please, just let me help you, please, Sungie.” 

 

By the end of the small monologue, Jisung had tears dripping down his cheeks, soft sobs escaping him, Minwoo’s thumbs wiping them off his apple cheeks. Jisung sniffled, nodding once as he wiped furiously at his face with sweater paws that were far too big. Minwoo’s small frown was replaced with a soft smile. 

 

“Thank you, angel. Now let’s get that pretty face cleaned up, hm?” He finished the statement off by kissing his forehead, scooping him up carefully. Jisung’s cheek lay on Minwoo’s shoulder, feeling emotionally drained. He had barely any energy left, the almost ten minutes spent looking for the classroom paired with his little breakdown (lasting almost fifteen minutes) had him exhausted. 

 

“Maybe it’d help if you guys cut back on all the food you bought,” Minwoo suggested as he walked, Jisung’s legs wrapped tightly around his waist. Jisung shrugged slightly, Minwoo taking it as an opportunity to push his point. 

 

“Besides, everyone eats too much at some point, might as well take the chance to cut back when you can.” Minwoo finished, setting him down by the first class he had after lunch. 

 

“I’ll see you later, baby, okay?” Jisung nodded, watching Minwoo walk away as he digested the idea in his mind. He  _ did _ have a point there. Maybe he could stop eating breakfast at home? By the way that Minwoo had been speaking, maybe the problem was with how  _ Jisung  _ ate, and not anyone else. 

 

He was getting kind of chubby, he’d admit that, but Mark had told him that it had been baby fat, and made him look cute. Maybe he had lied? Mark  _ was  _ his brother, he wouldn’t be completely truthful when it came to something that could leave room for insecurities, like appearance or weight.

 

It was something of a habit for the older, after something that had happened with Donghyuck about a year ago. Jisung hadn’t been allowed to hear any of it, but he could get the gist of it once he saw Donghyuck’s cheeks fill out and a light return in his eyes that he felt guilty he didn't notice disappear. They hadn’t spoken on it after, but it was still something that lingered in Jisung’s mind at times like these. 

 

Donghyuck was pretty now, that was for sure, but he was still so much smaller than Jisung, at least in his eyes. Maybe if he had worked to be thin as well, then he wouldn’t need as much food. It was kind of stupid, but it made sense, in a weird way. The less food he ate, the skinnier he’d get, the less he’d  _ need  _ to eat, and they wouldn’t spend so much on food. He would be helping the two of them.

  
  


There was just the small issue of figuring out just how much he did weigh, how much was safe to lose, and so on. It ate away at his mind until the bell rang, by that time his lips being chewed raw and almost red. 

 

Jisung came to the conclusion that after his interview at the flower shop, the first thing he would do is weigh himself, and go from there. 


	8. 008

“Where are you headed off to?” Donghyuck asked Jisung, an eyebrow raised as he stared at him, unimpressed. The younger packed up his backpack as fast as he could, hands had almost been shaking, but he moved them as fast as he could in hopes that Donghyuck wouldn’t notice. 

 

He was wrong, as the almost-annoyed look washed off to reveal thinly-veiled concern. He reached forward, holding Jisung’s wrists carefully. “Hey, are you okay?” He asked softly, eyes flicking down to watch his hands shake for a moment before Jisung snatched them back, glaring slightly. 

 

“Fine. I’m fine,” He said shortly, eyes narrowed. He didn’t know where his newfound bitterness came from, but he just couldn’t seem to hold it back, all his stress practically spilling out despite how hard he tried to reel his emotions in. 

 

“Are you sure? I mean-”

 

“I’m  _ fine,  _ okay? Can you just fuck off?” He snapped. Donghyuck’s concern was immediately gone, eyes narrowing. 

 

“Show some respect,  _ kid _ , you’re still younger than me and still related to my boyfriend,” He shot back, anger clear in his voice. 

 

“Okay, then fuck off,  _ hyung, _ ” He rolled his eyes, pushing past Donghyuck as he practically ran out of the room, ignoring the way the older yelled that he’d be speaking with Mark and that he’d better watch himself, and  _ blah blah blah,  _ Jisung couldn’t care  _ less _ . He felt slightly guilty but he pushed that feeling down, shaking his head. 

 

He couldn’t help but dwell over it again and again in his mind until he felt tears well up in his eyes, which he forcefully wiped away on his walk to his interview. 

 

What was he  _ thinking _ ? He had no right to snap at Donghyuck like that, not when he was just trying to help him. Jisung doubted that he’d be able to focus on his interview properly now, and he wouldn’t be surprised if Mark cussed him out when he finally got home. 

 

When he finally reached the flower shop, he was a little surprised. It was quaint and looked rather cozy. The large display windows had flowers sitting in them, vines and leaves overflowing the small window shelves. He hesitantly stepped inside, a small bell ringing once he did. It immediately caught the attention of one of the employees at the front, much to his dismay.   

 

“Hey, uh- Welcome to-” The man sitting at the front scrambled up, quickly grabbing a paper from the clutter on his desk and looking it over for a moment before continuing, “Eclipse Flowers,” he announced, grinning brightly once he managed to find the name. At the somewhat confused look that Jisung gave him, he rushed to defend his blunder 

 

“You try remembering the name of a store that’s been changed at least four times!” He protested, Jisung blinking a little before drawing back a little. He took a deep breath, eyes closed, before speaking. 

 

“I’m here for- for a job interview?” He said, voice just loud enough for the other to hear. The older man’s eyes lit up, sitting up properly. 

 

“You must be Jisung! Jeno told me a bit about you, cool to see you in person. I’m Yuta,” He introduced, words coming out in a bit of a flurry. 

 

“Jeno told you about… about me?” He asked, a bit surprised. Yuta nodded, red hair bouncing as he did so. 

 

“Yeah, now come around back, Taeil’s waiting for you,” He grinned, getting up and gesturing for him to follow. Jisung nodded slowly, following him as he looked around the colourful, sunlit store. 

 

The store had a couple of rows of planted flowers, all healthily blooming upwards with vines and leaves spilling over the edges. The roof was covered with glass, golden light flooding through. There was quiet music playing in the background of the store lowly. It was calming, and Jisung could probably see himself falling asleep to it in his own room. It was slightly humid, but he figured that was from keeping the plants warm and watered. Jisung didn’t really know much about how to garden but he really needed the job and figured he could pick things up along the way. 

 

Yuta led him to the back of the shop, opening up one of the doors to a reasonable-sized office, a man sitting behind the desk looking over some paperwork. Once Yuta cleared his throat, he looked up, concentrated look spreading into a smile. 

 

“Hey, Yuta. Is this the new kid?” He asked, standing up and reaching forward to shake his hand lightly. “Nice to meet you, I’m Taeil.”

 

Jisung nodded, smiling a little awkwardly as he did so. “I’m Jisung,” He said quietly. He turned around as he heard the door shut behind him softly, not even noticing Yuta leave. When he turned back, Taeil was sitting back down, gesturing to the seat in front of him. Jisung took a seat slowly, watching Taeil as he did. 

 

“So, what qualifications do you have for the job?” He asked, sitting up in his seat. Jisung paled slightly before looking down. 

 

“Uh, I used to help my older brother pull weeds in the garden we had, and keep a couple of tomato plants alive? I know it’s not much, but…” He trailed off slightly, looking up to see Taeil starting at him with a small frown. 

 

“I’d love to hire you, but I don’t think we can, kid,” He said, sounding sympathetic. “You don’t have much experience…”

 

“I- I can learn, I swear,” Jisung burst out, “I’ll come-come every day after school to learn, I have more than enough time. It's-It's alright if you don't hire me I just- I need this job, I really, really do, I’ll try my hardest, I-I promise, please just consider me, Taeil-ssi, I won't let you down.” 

 

The look in Taeil’s eyes changed once Jisung had finished his ramble, the younger shaking slightly. He had a look of desperation in his eyes that Taeil just couldn’t ignore. 

 

After a silent few minutes, Taeil spoke up. “You’re hired, Jisung. Welcome aboard,” He smiled softly, Jisung’s head snapping up. 

  
“Really?” He asked, eyes slightly wet. Taeil nodded, turning around in his chair and grabbing a black baseball cap, a small cartoon flower embroidered on it, along with the company’s name. He slid it across the desk to Jisung, who looked up at him before taking the hat, holding it to his chest. 

 

“Thank you, really, I’m glad you let me work here,” He rambled, Taeil waving it off.

 

“Don’t worry about it, kid. You start on Wednesday at five.” Jisung nodded, grinning as he got up and left, pumping a fist into the air where he stood after the door shut behind him before running out the door and hopping onto his skateboard, making his way home with a grin on his face. He had the hat tucked closely to him, and it almost served as a symbol of hope for him, that things might just be okay with paying off rent and staying happy with Minwoo, though that wasn't what was on his mind at the moment.

 

When he was happy, he didn't think about Minwoo. Maybe that was telling, but he ignored it. The only thing on his mind was that there was  _hope,_ for the first time in a while. 


End file.
